no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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