Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  That's cute.

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  (914): For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding. (1-914): That's cute. http://tfl.nu/zzhb
  Replies (27) Good night (1224) Bad night (2478)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (1081) Bad night (3766)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.

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  (224): U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/6777
  Replies (57) Good night (854) Bad night (3924)
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  (805): View more from California

  my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

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  (805): my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/fiwi
  Replies (43) Good night (1517) Bad night (14467)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.

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  (407): I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit. http://tfl.nu/vrom
  Replies (13) Good night (1283) Bad night (2650)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.

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  (773): I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do. http://tfl.nu/ja9q
  Replies (12) Good night (2406) Bad night (4279)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.

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  (813): sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it. http://tfl.nu/etd4
  Replies (7) Good night (3092) Bad night (814)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

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  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (5259) Bad night (1360)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.

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  (432): Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever. http://tfl.nu/tyrw
  Replies (9) Good night (829) Bad night (2081)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship

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  (214): I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship http://tfl.nu/dbjp
  Replies (3) Good night (1240) Bad night (606)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!

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  (770): Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?! http://tfl.nu/n67z
  Replies (12) Good night (644) Bad night (1183)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I respect the size of her balls.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.

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  (303): I respect the size of her balls. (1-303): Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else. http://tfl.nu/t5xu
  Replies (15) Good night (836) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

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  (+61): I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die http://tfl.nu/r2qr
  Replies (18) Good night (1191) Bad night (764)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.

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  (708): You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat. http://tfl.nu/s6dc
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.

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  (281): So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square. http://tfl.nu/ezqk
  Replies (4) Good night (331) Bad night (576)

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