His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.