She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
