Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.