you suck at this game today
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.