you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
