I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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