i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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