i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
