i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
