Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i've created a new STD.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
