He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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