It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Buhtt sex?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
