how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
