I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
