I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I believe in your delicious
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
