I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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