just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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