im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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