my phone needs a breathalizer
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
