I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
