Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
