Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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