3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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