True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
