Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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