I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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