I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She's the barista slut.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
