I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
