I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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