He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
