I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
