I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
