I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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