Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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