You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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