I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
