i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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