It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want a musical about memes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
