People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
