btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
