elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
