You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
