thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
