so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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