omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
