Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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