so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
