Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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