I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
