dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
