I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
