if you like me you must not know who I am
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
