as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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