The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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