"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
