Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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