i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
