Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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