I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
