Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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