I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
