Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
