I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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