i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
