My liver just broke up with me...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What a dumb baby whore.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
