Fine. I'll sleep in my office
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
