last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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