i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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