Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
