Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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