I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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