Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
