That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
