at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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