sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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