I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
