Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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