i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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