I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
